Behind The Scars

Red, Untitled by Krys Assan

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 16:03:00 -0400

Letting go is the journey to the top of a cliff you’re not sure you can climb, putting on a life-vest you’re not sure will save you, and jumping down into the sea when you can’t swim. It is doing all these things for the freedom of falling: sinking into the gaseous sky like heavy fruit plopped into plastic produce bags. The air stretches and sags but it is strong, and there is at least a minute, which feels like an hour, before the bag will break and ground will claim me. I will no doubt bruise: parts of me will become soft and suspicious, testing the weight of the fingers that prod it, testing the weight of their touch. Purple, these parts will glow from beneath my skin. They will smell of sugar and the July sun, the sun that comes to strangle water from the crop…..

Since I was fifteen years old my mind was a mangrove bay collecting memories, pulling them in like shoes lost in a battle to the swamp. When someone loses a shoe in the mangroves it is always just one, as if the swamp wants you to remember when you were a pair, body and soul, and the soul did not leave without the body. Wasn’t that the promise of life – that the soul and body, for now, were one? I was the type of child to see the mangroves from the sand, wondering if mangoes and mangroves were etymologically kin, keeping my distance from the prospect of being sucked in but mesmerized by the fall.

I learned falling at six months, old already: born with dead skin, skin that would fall away when I walked, or sat in hot sun. I was born with dead skin: my portal to the world dry and hard, diseased, as if there was something on the other side of my skin that was dangerous

My Mother:

On the third year of your death I think of jail:

I think of the three days and nights I spent in a cell

With no way to mark the time and no bruise to prove

It was self-defense: I thought of how his lies were like him leaving, and leaving is when a lover takes a part of your life you both had agreed to share. I think of the days before the arrest: how I had ached for quiet, but when the quiet came

It was the third year of your death, I still miss your arms most – your arms were fields with no fences, and they are barbed wire; they were aloe and its thorns. At night my bed is both a river and the rapids, for in love, as in art, there is both positive and negative space. The black defines the white. The lines we draw define the space. And the lines hug the space like a dying child.

- Krys Assan

(ms.kassan@hotmail.com)

*FLOW NOTE*

This piece is simply beautiful. It is so profound and thought provoking with the journey it encompasses within the lines, assembling a piece so damn poetic in its expression towards the audience whether or not if it was its intention. I thoroughly enjoyed this Krys, I hope to see much more.

-flow

My first book - November 11th, 2011

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 11:38:46 -0400

My first book - November 11th, 2011

Photo

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 13:52:42 -0400

Photo

Sun, 02 Oct 2011 11:05:57 -0400

Daily Flowitation - Dreams

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 08:36:00 -0400

When I began writing this, I was a bit overwhelmed emotionally, and neither was it in a bad way. Let’s just say, all that I was knock down by, abandoned from or simply suffered for, has basically become everything I now appreciate.

The last two years have been hard for me, real hard. When I wanted to give up, I kept pushing, never knowing what may knock me back down next. I became more pessimistic than anything all because of what revolved around in my life. But I had to sit back, reflect and realize that, we are what we feed ourselves, physically and metaphysically, so, as long as my mentally focused on what will hurt me next I continued to suffer.

Everything that we think manifests into our lives. What we focus on gravitates to us. What we think creates who we are, our attraction, and the possibilities that may occur, and with that said, there lies my change.

In April of this year, I dreamt of a dream which is now a piece of my reality. I wrote and complete my first book. I spent tireless hours creating the personal pieces of my soul, telling no one of where I was or what I was indulged in. From cafe’s, to libraries to coastline cliffs I chased a dream that blossomed from just an idea. It was all just an idea that spread like wildfire, a virus full of passion & dedication.

I find that too many people refuse to take some risks to follow their dreams. Worried about failing, doubting their own potential or simply making excuse of never having the time or money to. Are your dreams not worth it? Aren’t you worth it? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to at least try?

We all wanted to be something crazy when we were kids. When people asked - “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” you didn’t say “I wanted to work in a clothing store at the mall” or “I just want a desk job for the government.” Nah, we all wanted to do something crazy. We all wanted something that excited, and that we were deeply passionate about - no matter if it was something like a “Storm chaser, shark hunter, Miss world, or a Motoracer.” We didn’t even care… We didn’t even think that it would get us enough money. We just wanted to do it

So why is it that as we grow up we lose all the passion, that energy, that will and the courage to keep our dreams alive? Money should NEVER dictate our passion. Way too many people dream of being wealthy, but don’t know how rich they already are, just look at your dream. Don’t let the “safety of a paycheck” screw your dreams. I know that money is useful in all ways, but the benefit NEVER matches the sacrifice.

When you know what you want the possibilities are endless and the universe works in your favor. With knowing that, why would you stop yourself from what you love? If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary… And we aren’t born to be ordinary.

Life isn’t written out for us in ink, we create the stories… Take chances. The worst thing you can ever do is let your mind second guess your heart… Listen to your soul and understand that pain is temporary; giving up is forever, and giving up contradicts beliefs. If you don’t believe in yourself, who will?

-flow

Daily Flowitation - - You Deserve Better

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:24:16 -0400

How many times have you been told, that you deserve better than your current situation? Yet, you didn’t make the change. How can you help yourself? Do you really deserve better?

When I wanted more in my life it has made me anxious, impatient, frustrated & at times I even hated myself for only what I did to myself. I know what it feels like to be stuck, and struggle internally as well as physically with unresolved issues which is why now, I have a passion for helping you to be, well… A better you.

Imperfection is wisdom before knowledge. I hid from my scars for so long, it now seems as if I found my place. What transpired in my life, what I endured in all aspects created who I am now. I know what it feels like to transform, adapt & progress to find infinite happiness and create a new story that offers more than you seek. Nothing changed in my life externally until I did my internal work.

Sadly, we live in a world where we define greatness by exposure and popularity; don’t believe the hype. The most popular people have the weakest foundation or network. Too many conform, imitate & lose themselves trying to be just that or “fit in,” when we are all born to stand out, and be our own attraction.

What you experience, past or present, partly gives perception about how you see yourself and your self worth - the best things that you deserve, will always be your own choice. Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or being validated by someone else. Know that you are good enough and worthy - You are the self that you are seeking. Hiding who you are is more painful than physical scars - Nothing is outside of you

You deserve better than you can achieve in any physical experience, it is all about progression & personal growth - never settle for less

It’s a tough world out there, but you deserve better everyday, don’t ever forget that you are greatness.

Peace
-flow

Daily Flowitation - Acceptance

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 08:36:17 -0400

Nobody’s born with an instruction manual for life, despite all the advice you get from our parents, grandparents, or even me; each of us make our own way in the world, doing the best we can. It’s so easy to get stuck and comfortable in one place. We stay there wanting change, wanting to move on, but quite often we end up getting things wrong.

Messing up a few times isn’t that big a deal, because each mistake brings forth growth, but if you get scared and try to avoid all these mistakes by sticking with just a few “well I tried” behaviors, you’ll miss out on most opportunities as well. Those people who constantly complain or suffer from pain in relationship are the only ones doing it to themselves. They’re upset, hurt and frustrated because that’s what their choices have caused them to be. They’re stuck in a ditch when only they held the shovel and the dug the hole, all while trying to avoid confrontation, learning from a mistake and taking risks to change their life.

Moving on is simple, it’s the thought of what you leave behind or fear of what’s going to happen later on that makes it difficult. You just got know that, people who never make mistakes or take risks never make anything. Excuses only sound best to the person making them up. Acceptance is the key

Love is not forceful… If it’s meant to be, it will happen; if not, just enjoy the connection. Too many women lowered their standards to feel love, and too many men don’t succeed in having their own. What we allow & accept today becomes tomorrow’s standards of yourself. When you finally submit yourself to the truth you will feel a whole lot better…

Peace
-flow

Sand Sensuality - Bermuda

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 18:32:23 -0400

Sand Sensuality - Bermuda

Daily flowitation - Simplicity

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 09:41:22 -0400

Simplicity is beauty…

Simplicity has the best in pronunciation and meaning as well. It is the freedom from complexity or intricacy. I mean who really does love a world with drama? - I don’t

When you have “complications” - that’s simply life telling you to take a step back, observe, then move forward. This is the Zen principle of Shibumi called “Koko” (austerity). It is the art or ideal of emphasing exclusion or restraint, “not adding” yet gaining… Refrain from adding what is not absolutely necessary in the first place. When you simplify your life, all that was needed or missed takes its own place.

Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought. Beauty, or the beauty of self and utility(actions, thoughts, words), need not be overstated, excessively dress or exotic imparts of a sense of being fresh, understood or… Simply beautiful… You’ll find the most beauty in the simplest things… Not the simplest people. Learn to eliminate what doesn’t matter to make more room for what does.

Be still, find your center, and observe the naturalness of life. Find balance within self between being at once ‘of your life’(nature), yet distinct from it. When you come to such an intersection, you have no choice but to slow down, have some soul interaction, and use your intelligence, but it doesn’t mean it has to come to a full stop. It just means you are able to provide a platform for open innovation & understanding.

There is nothing easy about achieving simplicity of yourself, or life in general, but there is beauty in being able to and sensing the awareness of it.

Daily Flowitation - Growth

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 12:45:23 -0400

“Everything that you do now will inevitably become who you are later.”

That personal quote came from reflection of self, and understanding where I stand right now, where I’ve been, and where I’m willing to go; it’s very thought provoking as what was said, should either be feared… or openly welcomed.

Fear is powerful tool when you have the knowledge of how to utilize. Fear can either, halt you from progression, or, in fact be the cause of it – it’s all about personal perception of, and/or when “enough is enough,” because that happiness you crave for, begins at the end of your comfort zone.

There is no point in trying to be happy with yourself, someone, or life in general, yet, you’re embracing the present pain or past, rather than accepting, and using the wisdom to become deeper, and richer in soul. Whatever we experience, we are able to grow through; no matter how hard it is. All that is needed is acknowledgement, acceptance, and the strength to move. Moving on doesn’t necessarily mean you have to “drop the world” and “do you,” because all that surrounds us, defines us. Question is, what is defining you, and who are you growing into?

Daily Flowitation

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 07:45:00 -0400

We all make mistakes… They are the imperfections that make us human, that define who we are, our character designed by our strengths and our flaws.

You may have made a mistake some time ago,or bottled something within, and since then, you have gone over it and over it in your mind, wondering what your life would be like if you had, instead, chosen this path or that path, or did this, or said that. But there was a reason for what transpired, and maybe you haven’t seen it yet. At times, we must try not to over think a mistake or an issue, whether if it’s past or present; when we over think things we create a problem or emotion that never existed in the first place.

Relax - Breathe - Refresh is my mantra today

RELAX… and realize that your “mistake” actually took you down a better, more fortunate path

BREATHE… inhale all that’s new around you, release past pain or emotion of the circumstance to know you are becoming better internally changing all external.

REFRESH… and remember, in life, there are no mistakes, only lessons; blessings in disguise. Love yourself, trust your choices, no matter if good or bad. Just know that all you desire the universe conspires to make it all possible.

Coming Soon!

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 15:35:59 -0400

Coming Soon!

Daily Flowitation - Truth

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 13:08:00 -0400

The truth of you becomes all that surrounds you. What we absorb within our reach is definition; characterization of self. We all have problems in our lives and at times we will feel sad, hurt, unworthy and perturbed, not knowing or even saying “I don’t know what to do.”

Question is, can you just trust all that? In other words, instead of deciding that this/that experience is good or bad, can you just be with it and see where it wants to guide you and the lesson that it brings? Can you ask what the experience and thoughts are telling you instead of trying to make them all stop?

Be honest to yourself. There’s no need get upset if you can’t change something about something, and if you can change this/that experience, there’s no need to complain, if allowed. Life is not meant to be lived in reverse. Sometimes the most easiest thing to do can be the hardest to realize. When you’re afraid to do something, chances are ~ it’s exactly the thing you should be doing. Believe in yourself - Envision your greatness - And watch it unfold. You are already exactly what you need

Daily Flowitation - Emotion

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 17:14:00 -0400

Life is unpredictable… Crap happens, people change, strangers become friends, lovers become strangers, but experience is knowledgeable. Disappointment may derive from undeserved situations, which can attempt to rob of confidence and faith but only if you allow it. Nothing external to you has any power over you, neither can it make you feel inferior without your consent. When ANYONE upsets you, it’s actually you upsetting you. Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.

Emotions are powerful if one understand the force of them. It’s not about how you feel or how they made you feel, it’s about what you do or how you utilize that emotion/force to make a difference. - Seek understanding - The memories of memories of them maybe great, but some times the are just best as that. Sometimes we need to forget how it was so that we can see how it is. Don’t let your self drift down memory lanes, when there’s something better up the road.

Sunrise in Bermudian Paradise

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 07:15:03 -0400

Sunrise in Bermudian Paradise

Daily Flowitation - Nothing

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 14:34:00 -0400

It’s best alone in nothing than unfulfilled with everything. What is conceived in everything becomes empty, void or used, but what is done in nothing by nothing becomes all. What is done in nothingness becomes everything

Everyone does not deserve your energy. I say that in all aspects. It’s not your physical looks or what you “do” that draws a person to you ever - it’s who you internally are - the metaphysical or you defines your environment without physical flesh knowing - or even you recognizing - this is nothing - this is the naturalness of self

To be - abides in non- action; Yet nothing is left undone

We are nature - even more so - we are all female - this is why we receive & birth manifestations. Over time man have a misconception of love which why many live confused rather naturally (in nothing) leaving Men/women to chase rather then “receive” as the female we all are.

We all have a female in us, men dont understand due to unawareness of self or of their queen side the (x) chromosome. It is not about being gay or transgender, but understanding self in all natural aspects, knowing the feminine & sensitive side which nurtures & harbors the love chased instead of attempting to capture & control.

To see truly & live fully embracing all sides of us makes us authentically human, but by the ethical dissociation of media, religion, community - rarely we are aware of how to be, hence many imitations rather than emulating or evolving in self.

Like I said- when you are - self aware - of you inner G(energy) - many will seek the energy you possess of high conscious. This is why I said not ALL deserve your Ki(energy) - many will seek in order to transfer that energy without understanding of - and if not careful, will leave you hurt, disappointed, fatigued or emotionally drained.

“Be the flame- not the moth” - Cassanova

Us who are self aware are the flame, they are the moth mesmerized by the conscious of one

Dear Flow

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 10:06:00 -0400

I once vowed never to write a love letter again after parchment burned my soul’s ink over the years, yet I find myself breaking this vow for you. The years have come and gone, but we still strong within each other through it all. Love has come and went. We have even lost friendships including our own at some point in time. Trust been lost, even if it wasn’t ours; there has been some major obstacles that we’ve conquered. There have been times when I thought I knew you, just as well as where, other times you’ve thought the same about me, but we worked through it thought; we’re still strong within each other…

I didn’t write this to script corny lines or stroke egos, my love for you is not that. REAL love is not meaningless words or falsified emotion, I will not tell you what you want to hear; I will not lie for us, it’ll only hurt us in the long run. I want to show you that you are worthy of my precious time and the words that I say to you. I want to tell you all that you deserve, even if it hurts a little because that’s all I’ve ever done for you; just given all that you deserve. There have been times where you ignored, became defensive or sought escape from me, from us, but, the thing is, you can’t hide or tuck away from genuine love because no matter where you run or whoever you run to, you’ll be reminded of how good this love is. You’ll always reminisce on the words I once told you. You’ll always look back and remember how deep this love flows because this love is endless. You can run forever, to all ends of the world, but, the truth of you and I will always be imprinted within you; within us.

Over time I learned not to run because of you. Over time I observed your ways, your intriguing movements and intoxicating words… Flow you’re a damm drug… and over time I corrected myself because I used to wonder whether if this was healthy with the love you prescribed me with, but, over time I realized I am not weak because I am vulnerable to you. My vulnerability to you is my trust in its highest form and for that to be is exact reason of why I love you. I loved you every time you looked in the mirror running your fingertips along each scar in silence because our eyes spoke. I loved you through the screams and agony of immobilized limbs in your first steps. I loved you when you hated me for the decisions we made in the past. I loved you before you even knew we existed; I’ve always been there…

There are some things in life we may come across that we lose ourselves into. There may be some things we come across that will attempt to break us apart, but baby, the tears we shed are only the rain from the storm we found clarity within, and here we are still strong within each other… It’s time to let go of the pain, you’ve held onto it for too long

It’s time to let go Flow… because I love you

Love ME Letters

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 10:05:51 -0400

“If you wrote a love letter to you, what would you say?”

In 150 words, I was able to get friends of mine to write a love letter to themselves along with my very own personal love letter. This exercise was to intrigue thoughts of how the perception of yourself. So, take a look, and if you want, add your own in the comments below

Dear K

I’m grateful for your presence. You face is the first thing I see in the morning and the last at night. Your flaws make you perfect in my eyes because I know that there is only one you. You were created to flood this world with your open heart and love. I know sometimes life can get scary but know that God is always there to walk you through your trails. He is your creator so therefore he knows His work. You are a master piece. Let faith lead and guide you for you were created to do great things.

My love for you grows with every passing second. You are the love of my life. I promise to protect you, guide you, and understand you. I will always be honest with you no matter how much it hurts. True love is always honest and you’d be nothing less than what’s true. With the help of God I will stay true to my words and continue to put your first and love you best.

Sincerely,

Dear Me,

God has blessed you with 40 years on this earth, good health, 3 beautiful children and a faithful and devoted husband. You’ve been given these things because you are meant to have them. It’s no accident.

Your cocoa brown skin still has a youthful smoothness and glow even under the pressures of motherhood, marriage, and work. Even though you’ve packed on some pounds over the years, you’ve also added confidence, wisdom and maturity which give you “grown woman” sexiness.

You are a baaaad sistah! Own it!

Love,
Me

Dear Lovely,

You are truly magnificent and it’s sad how you fail to see it sometimes. Baby, we’re in this together. No matter where you go I will always be there (literally). If only some people had the traits you have than this world JUST might be a better place. My love for you is profound and I’m not too sure how I can convey my words to you so you’re able to understand. There may be some fighting, some anger and even mean things said but it’s human nature. Don’t you ever lose yourself nor lose sight of your goals in life. God has big plans for the both of us. Let’s go live this thing called life together.

The One Who Will Always Be There,
Your Self Conscious

Dear Me,

I Love You; Mind, Body, and Soul. I would like to express to you the significance you have in the creation of me. Without you I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, nor the woman I shall be tomorrow. I’ll always have faith in you wholly because you have faith in us.

You Are So Beautiful: Mind, Body, and Soul. You looked beyond my imperfections and helped me to see the beauty in myself. I have confidence because you taught me that if I don’t love myself, who will? You showed me why they should, how I could, love me for me. My devotion to you is forever indebted.
I won’t ever leave you, because despite our trials and tribulations, you wouldn’t give up… Not even when I felt you slipping. Stand firm baby, for you and I. What’s another lifetime? We’ve survived all this time.

I Love You & You Are So Beautiful: Mind, Body, and Soul. Always & Forever. XOXO

Dope Poetry

Fri, 26 Aug 2011 09:00:35 -0400

Poetry saved my life you know?

I found the rhythm in my heart on the beat most never see…

Shall I proceed?

Reckonings in a place most don’t ever identify

So…

I said…

Poetry saved my life you know?

I found the rhythm in my heart on the beat most never see…

Beginnings with Tylenol, seduction by codeine,

Docs giving high hopes with the morphine,

Numbing down my life; Novocaine, and dopamine in the growth of mind characterizing of a beast, like…

Viagra enhancing the growth of mine, stuck between a place of hard and mellow

All while seeking out cc’s while my mental still on life;

[tranq]uility

Plunging my dependency, do have you the decency to remember me,

Even as you lowered my cell count to repair ruptures you created under pressure

Asking me on a scale of 1-10 how does my love feel, when all I felt was your pain

Your spitefulness and your bullshit amplified by your lies

Your lies to make my infirmary better

But

Those numbers of my love have no bearings

Because of the pain… the pain you gave is infinite

Meshing a new scar to coexist my life

Impressions for eternity reliving the memory of you in similar emotions…

similar scents

Similar tastes

Only to depreciate the fact that, I, or we;

Met

Losing my value in mental currency

Taking a toll on this poetry within no expectation of itself;

I made her my patient; she is my patient

I am her cure in the penned cc’s, liquid rhythms & dope beats

So, now you know…

… How dope poetry saved my life

Don't Let Your Past Ruin Your Present

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 10:16:06 -0400

Faced with choices all of our lives, we have no choice but to hit or miss sometimes. Can your past relations cause a problem in present and future relationships?

Sometimes as humans we don’t know how to digest information about our spouses past, and then on top of it, you are faced with the choice to believe or not believe. However as humans we must sometimes take a step back and realize that regardless to what is written in another’s history… you really cant handcuff someone to their past! You’re only hurting yourself if you do.

Now don’t get me wrong, if the past is somehow leaking into the present… then you have a presented problem. But, if it is buried in the past don’t dig it up… unless you want to have hurt feelings that may never be repaired. You are probably wondering why I say that your wound may never heal, and I tell you now, it is based off of one simple fact that will never change, no matter how far or recent in the past it is; and that fact is that no one can change what they have done… Only what they may do!

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. - Jan Glidewell

- Mylauney Billups

You can find more from Mylauney here – www.CherryLetter.com